Life and Rhythm

Go Figure

bakerjac — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 13:20:07 +0000

I (sneakily) took an online career-advisory quiz offered to middle-school students, and while a few of the results made me giggle (pest controller?!), many of them just made me nod. Funny how these things work sometimes.

1. Religious Worker
2. Community Worker
3. Educational Assistant
4. High School Teacher
5. Casting Director
6. School Counsellor
7. Marriage and Family Therapist
8. Bereavement Counsellor
9. Addictions Counsellor
10. Middle School Teacher
11. Artist
12. Elementary School Teacher
13. Home Economist
14. Early Childhood Educator
15. Costume Designer
16. Gerontologist
17. Speech-Language Pathologist
18. Chiropodist
19. Podiatrist
20. Special Education Teacher
21. ESL Teacher
22. Child and Youth Worker
23. Acting Instructor
24. Website Designer
25. Art / Music Therapist
26. Makeup Artist
27. Abuse / Crisis Counsellor
28. Developmental Service Worker
29. Critic
30. Naturopath
31. Esthetician
32. Physical Education Teacher
33. Fashion Designer
34. Corporate Trainer
35. Pest Controller
36. Recreation Therapist
37. Psychologist
38. Director
39. Adult Education Teacher
40. Hairstylist

The least surprising was #1, since I was a youth ministry coordinator for one of Canada’s biggest Catholic parishes before becoming a SAHM. Perhaps the funniest are #18 and #19 – if you know anything about me and how I feel about feet, you’ll understand why this makes me laugh and throw up in my mouth a little.

Did you ever take a career aptitude test? Anything surprising? Did you work in a field you believe to be perfectly suited to your personality?

A Timely Repost

bakerjac — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:09:57 +0000

This is a post from my old blog. While my circumstances have changed (number of children, most notably!) and some of the liturgical wording is now different, the meat of what I wrote is just as relevant to my life – if not more so – as it was two and a half years ago.

“Lord, I am not worthy”

It’s my favourite part of the Mass. Gets me every time. We echo those centuries-old words when we pray, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.”

For a long time, I pondered exactly what word it is He would say. It’s not like an “abracadabra” kind of magic word, I know. I assume it’s probably The Word. You know, the Word who was made flesh and dwelt among us. The Word who was there in the beginning, who was with God and who is God. That makes sense to the logical part of my brain.

But the emotional, sentimental part of my brain thinks of it a different way. I think of the story of Easter, when Mary Magdalene didn’t recognize the resurrected Jesus. She addressed him as the gardner at first, and only saw who he truly was when he spoke her name. She hears him say, “Mary” and immediately she knows him. For me, during Mass, that is the word that is spoken to heal me – Jaclyn.

I bet you’re wondering why I bring this up.

If you read my last post, you know that Francis was out of town for a couple of days, and I was on my own with a toddler and a newborn. Thursday morning was great. Thursday afternoon was even better. As of 6pm on Thursday, it all went downhill. Fast.

Come Norah’s bedime on Friday, I was done. Spent. Finished. Gonzo. I had nothing left to give, after getting only four hours of broken sleep on Thursday night, and having a rough day with two exceptionally cranky kids all day Friday. So when Norah threw a tantrum as I put her in bed, I wasn’t in the best state to deal with it.

She was in her bed, crying. Simon was in my arms, crying. And I was sitting on the floor outside Norah’s (open) bedroom door, crying. And trying to reason with her through my tears. She wasn’t having any of it. Finally I gave in, and took Simon into her room, where the two of us sat on a chair and waited for her to fall asleep. At this point, I was feeling like an utter failure as a mother. I know that most of that was irrational, post-partum stuff. But that’s how I felt. So I prayed.

I told God how unworthy I felt to be given the enormous blessing of raising these two (and any future) children. Desperately and completely unworthy. They’re so perfect, so wonderful – and I’m so broken and flawed. I can’t possibly be worthy to be their mother.

And then a song came on. We always have a CD playing in Norah’s room while she sleeps – it helps to drown out the noise from the rest of the house, and having worship music playing while one sleeps is lovely. So it’s Matt Redman in Norah’s room, and one of the songs on this particular CD is called – get this – “You’re Worthy”.

Now obviously Mr. Redman wasn’t singing about me. He was singing to the One who is truly worthy. And that’s when it hit me:

“Lord, I am not worthy to receive these children. But only say the word, and I shall be healed.”

And so He who is worthy has spoken the word – or The Word – and I am healed. I may not be worthy by my own merit, but He has made me so. And for that, I praise Him!

Tuesday? Really?

bakerjac — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:19:56 +0000

My kids are in full-blown bad moods. It’s 4:13pm on Tuesday, and I’m already counting down to the weekend.*

Elena’s teething like a beast – her first tooth finally cut through the morning we were leaving my parents’ house, and now it seems tooth number two is not far behind. She is usually so happy and laid-back. But not today.

Norah and Simon are in a legitimate post-holiday detox, but also in a full-blown Nana and Gooey withdrawal. Their grandparents let them do fun stuff like pig out on strawberries topless in January. Mommy lets them eat vegetables and clean up their own darn mess.

10 points if you noticed Elena's sneaky presence in this photo

I’m happily working on de-cluttering my house (just packed away a bin labelled “post-partum clothes”!), but it’s so hard to get anything done when my normally happy kids are so grouchy. Oh well, this can’t last forever, can it?

*I already have a love-hate relationship with this coming weekend, however. The kids will enjoy their return to gymnastics class on Saturday morning, then I’m going to an especially sad funeral right after they return. Then after nap time we’ll be celebrating Christmas with Francis’ side of the family. *sigh*

It Was Christmas

bakerjac — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 18:17:39 +0000

Christmas Eve dinner at the kids’ favourite fast food joint:

Healthy? No. Fun? Yes indeed!

Elena's 1st Christmas Eve

Simon's trying to manipulate Elena's face into a smile

Then Christmas Day was quiet and relaxing – and involved more than one set of matching outfits for the girls:

Matching jammies!

The best of the family pictures - with one surly little boy!

It was one of those days that benefited greatly from my decision to keep my expectations low and my patience high. I know that as our children age our Christmas celebrations and traditions will become more elaborate, so for now I’ll just enjoy that the single request in Norah’s letter to Santa was so easy to meet.

Christmas Crunch

bakerjac — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 18:20:18 +0000

I wish “Christmas Crunch” was the name of some delicious gluten-free, dairy-free, energy-supplying, low-cal, low-fat treat – but it’s not. It’s the name I’ve given to this week, and it’s not delicious at all.

Here it is, December 22nd, and I’m still miles away from being ready for Christmas. I only just finished Elena’s homemade gift this morning, and Norah and Simon’s (matching) gifts are at least three hours from completion. I still have small things to finish for other relatives that we’ll be visiting just after Christmas as well.

But this is the part that really drives me batty: My house looks like a tornado hit it. I’m not the tidiest person in the world by any stretch of the imagination, but this is bad even for me. There are dirty dishes in the sink, clean laundry waiting to be put away, books and toys all over the floor, and don’t even get me started on the pile of crumbs under Elena’s chair. (Why is it that I can offer her a muffin and she’ll scowl and toss it on the floor, then 10 minutes later when she gets down she heads straight for that muffin and hoovers it like it’s the best thing in the world?) The recycling needs to be taken out, the carpet around the shedding tree needs to be vacuumed, and in spite of my best delegating voice there is still a dead fish which needs to be flushed or buried or tossed or somehow removed from my home.

There is clutter and borderline-chaos everywhere I look, but I feel like if I stop sewing long enough to get my house back in order, I’ll never finish in time for Christmas! It’s maddening. *sigh*

Yet here I sit, surfing and blogging and Facebook-ing and Pinterest-ing (never too late to look for easier craft ideas to replace the ones I haven’t finished yet!) because I have a baby who will only nap on a lap or in a sling. (And fortunately, her nap coincides perfectly with her brother and sister’s nap time.) It’s my involuntary relaxation time. So, in spite of the mountain of chores (both real and self-imposed) that await me, I’ll sit here for a couple of hours with my feet up and a snuggly baby strapped to my chest. Heck, if I grab one of those better-off-the-floor muffins, this could almost be fun.

Thanks for letting me vent. Hope your Christmas Crunch is more Christmas-y and less crunchy than mine.

The Bright Side

bakerjac — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 02:16:32 +0000

If there’s one bright side to months of sleep-deprivation, it’s that I’ve learned how capable I really am.

Take today, for example: Had a horrible “couch night” (one of those nights when Elena can only sleep semi-upright, meaning lying on my chest as I’m semi-reclined on the couch), yet got up before 7am and had taken apart a roast chicken and had stock simmering by 7:15. I then made a batch of buttercream icing before sitting down to breakfast (and coffee). At 9am a pregnant girlfriend arrived with her two kids, and I had faux gingerbread houses ready for the kids to decorate. As the kids played, my friend mentioned the troubles she’s been having with getting supper ready while dealing with non-stop nausea, and I was able to send her home with some frozen sweet potato chili and a dozen steaming-hot tea biscuits.

After a quick lunch and a short nap time, I finished making chicken soup, prepped an Asian chicken salad, and made a batch of gluten-free chocolate cupcakes (to which I added a peanut butter swirl since I didn’t have the mental energy to tackle vegan buttercream). Then Francis got home and we were all out the door by 4:30 to have dinner with his parents and his sister and her family.

Okay, so not the most productive day in the world, but still pretty good, right? So here’s what I’ve figured out:
If I can do all of this with so little sleep, imagine what I’ll be capable of once I’m finally getting some rest again!

So, on that happy note, I’m going to finish this glass of wine that my husband so thoughtfully picked up for me, and I’m going to go to bed alone while Francis does baby-duty in the basement for a few hours. Cheers!

The Great Experiment

bakerjac — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 15:30:13 +0000

It’s no secret that my poor baby is a terrible sleeper, and it’s mostly not her fault. You see, from the day she was born, she’s had awful gas pains in her little tummy. Night after night, leg-pump after leg-pump, Ovol dose after gripe water dose, I’ve prayed and prayed again. The doctor said, “Oh, she’ll outgrow it.”

She’ll be 10 months old on Tuesday, and while it’s gotten somewhat better, she definitely hasn’t outgrown it.

I started to notice a while ago that it seemed like wheat-heavy days translated to a bad night. I gave her part of a whole wheat pancake one day at supper time, and that night was miserable. I repeated the experiment a few days later – another nightmare night.

And so began what I’ve been calling “The Great Gluten-Free Experiment.”

Not only did I cut all wheat from Elena’s diet (which was fairly minimal), but I also removed it from mine. Well, I thought I did – admittedly it took me close to a week to discover all the hidden sources of gluten in my diet. (Smarties? Twizzlers? Really?!) As I’d hoped, there was a noticeable difference in Elena’s digestive issues within the week. But there was a happy by-product I hadn’t anticipated.

I feel better.

I have more energy, in spite of not getting adequate rest. I no longer feel that afternoon crash that sends me running for the kitchen in search of more caffeine.

I have been dealing with chronic hip pain for years, which I assumed was genetic and therefore unavoidable. It’s gone. I mean really gone. Off wheat, I’m pain-free. If I indulge in something wheaty, I’m in agony within an hour. Really, it’s that dramatic.

Here’s one you’ll have a hard time believing if you know me at all: I very rarely have sweet cravings. I’ve made cupcakes for Francis’ staff meeting and a cake for the kids to decorate for my mother’s birthday/the Immaculate Conception, and I wasn’t even tempted to have a bite.

There have been challenges, obviously, but one of my favourite results is that I actually have to think when I walk into the kitchen. No more cold cuts with mustard on bread for lunch. No more soup from a can. No more baking the same old treats I’ve always made.

The baking issue scared me. Looking at most gluten-free recipes is daunting. Four different kinds of flour? What the heck is xanthan gum? Can I even get those things out here in the boonies? (The answer to that is no.) Then I found Elana’s Pantry. Sure, she has some recipes with ingredients out of my reach, but she has plenty that only involve coconut flour or almond flour, both of which I was able to buy small quantities of (for testing!) at a recent trip to Bulk Barn. Her blueberry muffins are incredible. They’re so fluffy and light you’d swear you were eating a cupcake with some blueberries tossed in – but they’re actually surprisingly healthy! And the cinnamon bun muffins were the best dessert I’ve had in ages. I made a few substitutions based on what I had available – like honey instead of agave, and canola instead of grapeseed oil – and they worked beautifully. I’m really excited to try some more!

Even though it’s only been about four weeks of a gluten-free diet, I can’t imagine ever going back. Knowing how much better I feel is great motivation. Francis was hesitant to give up his beloved bread at first, but after seeing the difference in me, has decided to try his own wheat-free experiment in January. And, if he notices a difference as I have, then our whole family will learn to live without wheat-based products. It would seem cruel to keep feeding our kids something that we know we’re better off without! Just don’t tell them yet – they’ll start hoarding the goldfish crackers in rebellion.

In Full Swing

bakerjac — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 13:00:45 +0000

For the last few years I have noticed that I am really hard on myself for not having all my Christmas decorations finished before Advent begins, so I can really spend those four weeks spiritually preparing myself and my family for Christmas. Well, I’ve decided that’s just nuts. I have three children under four, one of whom does not sleep.*

What I am starting to realize is that there is a difference between preparing for Christmas and celebrating Christmas. During Advent, the first is okay and the second (for me) is not. It’s a fine line, I suppose, but it’s big enough to help me understand that I’m not actually doing anything wrong by spending time at my sewing machine instead of… well… doing something more Advent-ish.

We have been talking to the kids about Christmas, telling them about how we’re getting ready to celebrate Jesus’ birthday. We’ve been decorating our home, slowly, just like we decorate for a birthday party before the guests arrive. I generally only play Advent music and not Christmas carols, though I do admit I played this right after we brought our tree in. I just couldn’t help myself!

We’re not pigging out on Christmas treats, we’re not opening or even displaying any gifts, and we’re focusing on our prayer intentions in our Advent calendar. The children are putting the “straw” into baby Jesus’ bed whenever they do something extra kind or make a sacrifice for someone else. This, as little as it is, is about all I can manage at this point.

I have less than two weeks to finish everything that still needs to be done. But, whether or not things get finished, Christmas is still coming. My children will have as holy and magical a day as we can manage. And, when the 25th is over and behind us, we’ll just pack up, head to the airport, and continue celebrating Christmas with my family on the coast. I’m excited for all of it.

*Well, technically, she sleeps. She sleeps in one-hour intervals all night, and only if she’s in bed with me, otherwise it’s less sleep and more screaming. During the day she naps rather well, but only if she’s on my lap or in the sling. You see how my free time is limited by this reality.

Handsome Boy!

bakerjac — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 00:59:38 +0000

Simon got his new glasses yesterday. I love them on him. He is a little unsure. Hard to blame him, though – they are very strong. It will take me some time to get used to his new look, but they really do make him look even more handsome. (And if a two-and-a-half-year-old can look distinguished, Simon does!)

I could kiss that face all day!

Keeping It Simple

bakerjac — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 00:55:52 +0000

Our Advent calendar is actually more of a Christmas count-down calendar, as it only begins on December 1st. Nevertheless, the intention behind it is to help my family find a way to truly be present to the season of Advent, and build excitement about the celebration of the birth of Christ.

The last two years, I ended up over-extending myself by planning far too many activities, or choosing activities that were not quite age-appropriate for the kids. So this year, I decided that less really is more.

Sure, there are still a few activities thrown in here and there. But they are only things we would normally do at this time of year – you know, like buy, put up and decorate a Christmas tree. As well, there are five new Christmas books which the kids will receive over the coming weeks. (I should point out that one of them was purchased at a consignment shop and the other four are from a dollar store. I did not spend big bucks here! I hope that by next year we will own 24 Christmas books, and we can bring them out one at a time throughout December.)

The main thing is that each day, there is a name of a family member in the pocket. That is the person we will say extra prayers for, and – whenever possible – do something extra nice for them on their day.

I also created a small manger out of an empty clementine box, lined and covered with some light brown fabric. There are pre-cut strands of yarn which the children can earn by their kindness and good deeds, then place in the manger to create a softer bed for baby Jesus. I have 24 days to make or find an appropriate doll to play Jesus on Christmas morning!

Hopefully I will be able to walk peacefully through this Advent. By simplifying our daily activities, I hope that I can show Norah and Simon what is really important in this season, and we can truly prepare our hearts for Christmas.